One night recently I woke up–suddenly, anxious about the future and my honest abilities to actually do this work.

I took a breath, noticed the tension in my body, and focused my attention on some truths. The truth is, I don’t know what will happen. I could run out of money. There might be times I get stuck, can’t work. I am who I am. Sometimes I am clear, and sometimes I am in the dark. So just accept that and let it be. Truth: right now is the middle of the night and I am lying safely in a warm bed. I relaxed, settled in, went back to sleep.

My way of working is emergent, circular, inspired. I am ecstatic when I am in the flow of inspiration, creativity, clarity. Words, ideas, “ahas” burst forth. But when I am not in the flow, nothing comes easily to me. I worry that the darkness, the unknowing, the confusion, the incubation will go on forever. My worry about these dark periods makes me anxious about the future. This anxiety can wake me up from a sound sleep in the middle of the night.

Truth is, inspiration flows and ebbs in me. So what do I do when inspiration and clarity are lacking? Creative, emergent, new work is part inspiration, yes. But along with that is a lot of effort and hard work. This is pragmatism. Difficult at times. Not always clearly outlined for me. But necessary.

Learning ways to engage pragmatism more fully–especially during times of incubation, confusion, and darkness, is part of my spiritual and psychological growing edge. Finding ways to move forward even when inspiration is lacking. One step at a time, placing one foot in front of the other. My friend Jill says when there is something you have to get done–don’t think, just do. Embracing the ebb, as well as the flow.

each moment as
a mystery,
a surprise,
an unfolding.
Even when I can’t
see it
feel it.

In the midst of the ebbing
in the midst of the dark
pragmatism is my friend.
Can I learn to
approach it
with honest effort,
learn its ways,
so I may live
the full spiral of
the deep
with more appreciation

This entry was posted in Doing My Own Business, Phoenix Rising, Poetry and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Pragmatism

  1. Lorry says:

    Well said; I know this experience. It takes as long as it takes.
    I honor you for your courage to step out onto your own path — unknown, but your path.

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